Your Sons Need Your Leadership

Monday 10 August 2015 | 3:53 pm | Robert Otto


Your son needs you to lead well. That does not mean he needs you to be perfect. He needs you to be real. Successes and failures, bumps and bruises… He needs the whole package. One of the areas that he needs your help is with his purity. This is a difficult age to be a young son. The world has changed from when you and I were his age.

One of the most important places your son needs your example is with his purity. Pornography is everywhere. My sons can not go anywhere in our city without having a woman they will never speak with flash her Victoria’s Secret in their direction. No longer do we have to seek sexual sin. It pursues each of us with a vengeance.

Part of being the spiritual leader in your home is to cast a vision for purity for your sons. Make sure they know that it is important to you in your own life and in theirs. Talk with them about the hedges you deliberately cultivate to provide guardrails for your life. Tell them about the relationships you have that help keep you walking the straight and narrow path. Help them develop passions for these protections in their lives as well. Grow an ongoing conversation on the topic with them. It is never too early, and it is never too late.

Remember that you are not responsible for their choices! If they make foolish choices, that is on them. How you handle those moments will either draw you closer together as men or push you apart. Shame NEVER brings about a righteous life. It is Satan’s tool of choice regarding sexual sin. “You must be a bad Christian to look at that stuff. You are a disappoimtment.” His lies lead to isolation in our lives.

Be sure to show your sons generous grace in their need. Be sure also to lead them back to purity.

When my sons were about eight or nine years old I told them that they would see pornography some day. I just described it as pictures of people with their clothes off or part way off. I said that I wanted them to come tell me when that happens, but it was important that they know what I was going to do.

“First, I am going to praise you. It will probably be very awkward to come talk to me.
Second, I am going to pray for you, that God would clear your mind and give you a desire for purity.
Third, together we are going to figure out how it happened and plug that hole so it doesn’t happen to you or your brother or me in that same way again.”

A few years later, I had a one-on-one with a son who had come to me, and I did those three things. It was very powerful and did bring us together. There have been a few opportunities since then as well.

So, dad step up the challenge and get involved in your sons’ lives. Inspire them to purity and help them cultivate that kind of a lifestyle.

Robert Otto

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